Thursday, January 1, 2009

Celebrating 2009 the manly way

... with Patrick's New Year's resolutions. His story:

So, I watched "Wanted" again tonight instead of going out. And you know what? I probably had more fun that way. 2009 is going to be my year, the year that I stop trying to live like everyone else, justifying my unsavory actions by the social acceptance in our decadent society...and other non-pompous reasons. I will not bore any readers with any sort of analysis of my faults. Those are irrelevant. What matters is how I'm going to fix things. So, let me begin...

1. I will no longer be scared by my (lack of) potential. I have put myself on the path of the creator, the writer, and I will no longer hold myself back by a terror that I will not live up to anyone's standards. So, for 2009, I vow that by the end of freshman year, I will write/direct/create something that I am proud of. It will be my vindication, my tangible proof that I deserve to call myself an artist. For you see, I watched "Wanted" for reasons other than to see mind-blowing action and Angelina Jolie's fantastic ass. The beginning of the movie scares me. I see visions of Wesley in myself, a bright young man, suddenly waking up out of his stupor and wondering where the last ten years went. I don't intend to assassinate anyone but I am ready to rise up, step into the shoes that have been waiting by the door of life for as long as I can remember. So, I will create, I will prove myself.

2. I will work out. Several years ago, I exercised with a vigor I had never shown anything before. I was fit, toned, and a damn sexy beast. The trouble was, I was still too shy and withdrawn to stand out to anyone except my closest friends. So, my transformation went unnoticed. I felt fantastic but I was too immature to care about anything other than what others noticed. I slowly lost my will power and gave up. Rabbit food turned back to junk food and fab turned back to flab. No one noticed this either, except my dog who started enjoying the left-overs a lot more. Since then, I have tried several unsuccessful times to start again but it never took. I lacked the devotion. Until now.

3. I will stop chasing girls with which I have no chance. I cannot even begin to describe how much time I waste thinking about the fairer sex. That is not to say I forgo romantic involvement. Instead, I will not seek it out needlessly like a crack addict looking for his next fix. I will leave that to sluttier people than me (Adam O. and Sri, here's looking at you). I will, instead, just let whatever happens happen. I remember about 2 or 3 months ago, I was laying on the roof of the dorm late at night. I was stargazing and thinking about girls. Suddenly, I saw a shooting star go streaking across the sky. My first thought was that I had to make a wish. My second thought was, "Please, let me find someone that I can care about." Even though circumstances have changed since then, that wish remains. No more chasing, no more games. Please, let me simply find someone that I can care about.

4. I will be a manly man. I will stand tall and proclaim the words from the hills, blowing a sea shell, my man blouse billowing in the wind. I will drink unleaded and shit mustaches. Mountains will quake and panties will vanish into thin air. I will ride an imaginary horse and call it a steed like the pretentious prick that I am for I am a manly fucking man. I am Sir Patrick Sean Kelly TM the 17th, beyotch!

2009. Here I come.

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